Things that make you go
- How do you "know" it's new and improved dog food?
- How can someone "draw a blank"?
- How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
- How do they get deer to cross at those yellow signs?
- If sour milk is used to make Yogurt, how do you know when Yogurt is bad?
- How did a fool and his money get together?
- How did the guy who invented cottage cheese know when it was done?
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- How does the guy that drives the snowplow get to work?
- How do they get Teflon to stick to the pan since nothing sticks to Teflon?
- If you have your finger touching a rearview mirror that says "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" how is that possible?
- If you keep trying to prove Murphy's law will something keep going wrong?
- If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you tie a buttered piece of toast to a cats back and drop it?
- If someone invented instant water, what would they mix with it?
- If you are in a vehicle going at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
- If it's tourist season, why can't you shoot them?
- If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest does it make a sound?
- If firefighters fight fire and crimefighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
- If CON is the opposite of PRO, is Congress the opposite of Progress?
- If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
- If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- If a funeral procession is at night, do they drive with their lights off?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell is he homeless or naked?
- If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- If you are cross-eyed and have dsylexia, can you read all right?
- If law school is so hard to get through, why are there so many lawyers?
- If a cow laughed, does milk come out her nose?
- If a tin horn is made from tin, what is a foghorn made from?
- If jail and prisoner are synonomous, why aren't jailer and prisoner?
- If you throw a cat out the window does it become kitty litter?
- If a cat becomes radioactive, will it now have 18 half lives?
- If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered to be a hostage situation?
- If the front of your car says "DODGE" do you really need a horn?
- If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
- If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
- If a mute swears does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
- If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
- If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
- If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
- When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
- When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- When a house burns up, it burns down.
- What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?
- What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
- You know how most packages say "Open Here"? What is the protocol if it says "Open somewhere else"?
- Instead of talking to your plants, what if you yelled at them? Would they be troubled and insecure?
- What's another word for thesaurus?
- What is another word for synonym? (See your thesaurus!!)
- Is it possible to be totally impartial?
- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- Isn't amazing how friendly telemarketers are until you say no?
- Can you be a closet clostrophobic?
- Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before geting out of the water?
- Does "fuzzy logic" tickle?
- Does "virgin wool" come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught?
- Does a fish get cramps after eating?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
- Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
- Do blind eskimos have seeing eye sled dogs?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
- Just "before" someone gets nervous were the butterflies in their stomach cocoons?
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